There’s few minds I love more than Vince Staples’. I’m listening to Summertime ‘06 and rewatching his interview with Sway on the 1 year anniversary of dropping my book. I’ve been living, breathing, eating Vince since he dropped his show. Nah, I’m not hopping on the bandwagon, I’m from LA b**Ch. He’s family far as I’m concerned. Right now Sway is discussing the opening scene of his show and asking Vince how we went about capturing the intricacies of what Long Beach sounds like. Vince gives him a bigger than usual grin and says “thank you for asking that” and you see the way his eyes light up as he recounts how he painted his hood on screen. He’s not elusive in his methodology. He’s forthcoming, direct, and honest about his willingness to take risks. Most importantly, Vince is a student. There were moments in the creation of his show where his taste didn’t match his skill. So what’d he do? Put in the work. And here my friends, is where we launch back into my world.

I’ve been talking sh*t about “& Also With You” since it came out. It’s not my “The Vince Staples” show, it’s my Youtube Series, my Blue Suede music video if you will. The necessary step before my next project, the experimentation phase, the let’s have a little fun cuz I’m making this for me and to hell with y’all phase. it’s a complete picture, there are some gems in there, but the lack of cohesiveness and non-existent budget leave something to be desired. I think I been talking sh*t on it before anyone else can because I’m a little embarrassed by it. I’m known for my political poems mostly. Critiquing AmeriKKKa and the hell its wrought on its citizens and the global south and here I am with pretty pictures, a playlist with Drake on it, and some poems crying about how men don’t want me. Bad for the brand. I shudder thinking about people seeing me weak. So I control the narrative before it controls me.

I’m currently reading “On Writing” by Stephen King, (a Vince Staples recommendation) and essentially it’s his memoir on how he became a best selling novelist. In the beginning King tells you to stop looking for a through line in this book, because there isn’t one. It’s more of a collection of musings that sum up the totality of a writer. His self-proclaimed most important musing comes within the first 50 pages of the book. Steve’s first paid gig was as a local sports writer for a newspaper. A far cry from the horror and psychological thrillers he is known for. He wrote his first piece of work trying to make it interesting by adding his signature flair and gives it to his editor, who quickly begins scratching things out with his blood colored pen. He hands it back to him and says “The first draft you write is for you. The second draft you write is for the audience, and it is your job to take out anything that is not the story.” When I tell y’all my mind was blown, it’s an understatement. I could literally hear the lightbulb above my head increase its wattage. Believe it or not, most of the poems you get from me are first drafts. I’m talkin’ no edits. When I would hear all these poets belaboring about where to put an em-dash, I literally couldn’t relate because I intuitively just “knew”. I used to think that meant I had raw skill, now I realize it was really just my unwillingness to be a student. Maybe a bit of both.

I say all this to say, I think I’m done talking sh*t on “& Also With You”. I’ve made peace with the fact that it was my first attempt at a cohesive body of work. My first draft, for ME. I proved to myself that I could make my vision come to life. Just like Vince, I was painting. It wasn’t the beauty of a city, but the windows into the heart. A capturing of what it feels, tastes, and sounds like to be in your mid-twenties a little broken, a little unsure of yourself, with a whole lot to say. The version of me in those pages deserves her own breath and visibility untied to shame, even if it is a far cry from what I’m known for.

Next project (which is already in the works) I promise to take a page out of Steve’s book and give y’all the second draft of my work. The one for my audience. I promise to make Vince proud by being a student, by putting in the work because I know my skills aren’t up to par with my taste yet. This an exciting revelation for me, to intentionally be in this gap of possibility. This is where magic happens. This is where “& Also With You” was born. This is where I devote myself to always return to unabashed and unafraid. Hopefully I run into Vince there, I wanna be his homie forreal.

ATG